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My son who is not my son
Calls me at work to ask when I’ll be home
And wants me to play hookie with him when he is sick.
My son who is not my son
Argues with me with the tenacity of a bulldog lawyer
Or just your average teenager.
My son who is not my son
Talks endlessly about the merits of any video game system known to man
While I try my best to pretend to know what he’s saying.
My son who is not my son
Is smart, curious, thoughtful and witty
And leaves me forever amazed.
My son who is not my son
Believes accuracy and detail are important
So when I, for a moment, forget that
This son is not my son
And use the wrong word–like “mom”
He is quick to correct me–gently.
This son who is not my son
Will never be my son, nor I his mom
No matter how I wish it.
He has a mom, who ought not be a mom,
She breaks his heart across time and miles
And I am left to hold the pieces together.
Meanwhile this mom who is not his mom
But would be if she could be
Cries a thousand unseen tears for the battered & beautiful soul
Of my son who is not my son.

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Time to Weed

The weeds are pretty  high right now.  So high, you probably thought I’d disappeared, right? After all, it’s been 18 months since my last post.

18 months. Hard to believe it’s been that long since my whole world was turned on it head. In a good way. In a good, but extraordinarily challenging, sorry-but-there’s-no-time-for-blogging way.

On August 26, 2013, the Guy was awarded emergency custody of the Kiddo, and I went from being a part-time stepmom to a full-time one. Since the change in custody was completely unexpected, we were both thrilled and overwhelmed at the same time–especially since it happened on the first day of school and two weeks before moving to a new home. Clearly, there were a lot of adjustments to be made, and I now have a new appreciation for working moms everywhere–especially those with more than one child. I really don’t know how they manage it.

The Kiddo is 12 at this point, so he’s fairly self-sufficient in many respects, but he’s also had a lot of emotional needs that the Guy and I have been trying to help him work through (with professional assistance, of course). And then there’s getting him to baseball, karate, football–whatever the sport of the week is. Luckily he tends to stick to one activity at a time.

Our little family has gone through a lot of transition in the past year and half, and not just because of the Kiddo coming to live with us full-time. There is no way you’d read this entire post if I bored you with all the details, but I will say that since that day in August, we moved a second time (last August, after buying our first home), added a dog and a cat to our household (we already had one dog), suffered some personal losses and pushed through some personal challenges.

I’m almost afraid to say it, but it seems as if, for the moment, things have settled down. At least as much as they can settle down, with this new life we have. So I’m trying to bring this blog back to life. I’m starting out by weeding, of course–going through old comments, trying to update some of the technical things that need addressed on the back end and working to find a better look.

I’m not a professional web designer/techie in way. I have just enough understanding of this kind of stuff to be dangerous, and that’s about all, so it takes me awhile to experiment with WordPress templates, plugins, etc., to get this site looking in a way I’m okay with, and functioning in a way that’s useful to both me and my readers.

Right before I disappeared amid all the weeds, I discovered a plugin that will simplify how any recipes I share are presented, and will make it easier for you to print and save those recipes that interest you. Over the next month or two, I’ll be working to re-publish some of my old recipes in this new format, so forgive me if you see some repeats. I’ll try to throw some new material in there from time to time.

I’ll be honest that I’m not sure what direction this blog will go from here. I started it with somewhat of a vague premise to start with–finding balance in this messy life, and sharing some of things I enjoy along the way–mainly cooking and photography. It will still be that, but as my family has grown and changed, I’m sure there will be other things of interest to me that I’ll choose to share–perhaps items related to emotional health, parenting, etc. I’ll just keep meandering my way along life’s path, seeing what it brings me, and trying to keep the weeds in check enough that I can always find some zen.